That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
