if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
