someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
