There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
