did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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