I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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