Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
