i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
