I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
