So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
