Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
