um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
