K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
