last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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