We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The power of my boobs compel you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
