yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
