So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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