He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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