there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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