I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
