they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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