Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
accomplished twins. life is a go
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
