Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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