You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
