I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
