help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
