we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
