Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
