He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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