She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
