I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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