My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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