I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You can't special order awesome
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
