I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
