I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do herpes really smell.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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