I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
