You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
