Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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