So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
