Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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