i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
