You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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