tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
