guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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