tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
