i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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