If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
