Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
