just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
