What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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