..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MIDGETS
????
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
